I really don't know how to "word" this correctly,
so I'm just going to write my story as if I was talking to you one-on-one. It
seems like life has been a rollercoaster for about a year now, but for the
purpose of this blog, we'll just stick with a life update from the last six
months or so. Just like a rollercoaster, there's going to be a lot of ups and
downs so I hope you can hang on... this could also be lengthy so I apologize in
advance.
Let's go back to about November 2016 (this is more than six
months ago but I promise I'll jump ahead soon). I was so freakin' excited to
finally graduate after four years at the University of Central Oklahoma and
move onto the next chapter of my life. UCO offers classes that are online and
self-paced so as long as you turn in all the assignments by the assigned due
date, you should be golden. To try and make a long story short, I was in one of
these classes that I needed for Spanish II and I turned everything into my
professor by the due date, WITHOUT having ever gotten one response from my
multiple emails that I had sent her asking for help. Can you guess what happens
next? My professor failed me. I didn't do things in the right order,
according to her. I cheated, according to her. I showed a lack of
responsibility and maturity by not doing as I was told, according to her. Keep
in mind.... I couldn't get an email back from her until the class was over.
December 2016, the month I am set to graduate. I am in
contact with every office and faculty staff member I can possibly think of to
see what I could do about my grade because it would prevent me from graduating.
Finally, after several days of running around like a chicken with its head cut
off, I found out that I could still walk in the graduation ceremony while I
appealed my grade. And you bet your bottom dollar that's what I dang sure did.
I went ahead and enrolled in another Spanish II class (with a different
professor) for the spring semester cause I knew I couldn't get an answer on my
appeal before the new semester started. This is the only class I took during
the Spring 2017 semester because I was only lacking those four credit hours
that I had "failed". I never heard back from the Board of Academic
Appeals until after Spring Break!! They had denied me my right to an oral hearing and my appeal was dismissed. I was no longer allowed to appeal against that professor or that class. Good thing I had already enrolled in the other Spanish class, right? Wrong. I pass my Spring
Spanish II class and am so glad to have that ordeal behind me. I receive an
email about two weeks after the class ended saying that I had been removed from
graduation (for the second time) because I did not meet GPA requirements. Now,
let me tell you.... I threw a fit. A big one. Come to find out, the class that
I had just finished was the wrong class, it was NOT the same as the one I
failed, and because I still had the "F" on my transcript, my criminal
justice GPA had fallen below the required average for graduation.
Please try to imagine the frustration, anger,
disappointment, failure, and downright tiredness I felt. All this was going on
while I was dealing with some professional issues at work, still grieving the
entirety of what 2016 had brought about, still trying to understand the situation where
there was some drug slipped in my drink at a club during the spring semester, and
I was contemplating leaving Edmond to move back home to Durant for awhile. The
past year or so has been full of nothing but life changes for everyone in my
family, we had kind of all been in a state of limbo for a good while.
I lived
alone in Edmond so I know what loneliness feels like, but during the time that
all of this was occurring; I felt a loneliness like I have never known. I have
the world's best support system in my family and friends but this was something
I knew they couldn't physically help me with. I believe the lowest I have ever
been in my faith was during this period. I lost hope, and was dead set on
trying to control everything around me.
June 2017, my mom goes out to Phoenix, Arizona for a cancer
checkup just like she has done every six months for the past six years. She
gets a good report and all is well... until the following Monday. She gets a
call that the radiologist hadn't read her CT scan in time before mom had left
but they had discovered a "spot" on her right lung and she was going
to need to come back out to have more testing done to determine what the spot
was and what the next course of action would be. My world crumbled around me,
yet again. I'm still dealing with not having technically graduated and after fighting
tooth and nail with everyone I came into contact with at UCO, I learn that I
have to take one more class, online and over the summer, to raise my GPA up
above where it needs to be. I'm not happy about it, but I do it. I have also
been given the news that I have precancerous tissue growing in my cervix but
we're going to need to wait until December to see if it has grown, spread, or disappeared
on its own, if not... we start treatment.
Here I am, a 23 year old, kinda college graduate, working a
part time job and trying to make ends meet every single month, living alone three
and a half hours away from all my family. Financially, it sucked. Physically,
it sucked. Emotionally, it sucked. Mentally, it sucked. I felt like the life
was being drained out of me. My parents had posed the option of moving back
home right after my class ended in May, just for a little while to help ALL of
us financially, I would be here to help out around the house, I could be here
for my sister's senior year of high school, really.. There weren't many cons to
the plan. I could not commit to going through with it. I've lived on my own for
the past four years and to move back home to my parent's house without a plan
in mind? Yeah, right... I'd rather struggle for awhile and see what comes
along. It had nothing to do with not being around my family, it just wasn't the
way I had envisioned my life to pan out. But we all know that none of us are in
charge of our life course. When I got the call about the possible lung cancer,
that's what became the decision maker. I was coming back home. I had the hardest
time coming to terms with leaving my friends, leaving my freedom, leaving a job
where I thoroughly enjoyed the work even with the issues that presented
themselves. I don't think there's a word
to describe what I was feeling as I was packing up my life from the past four
years into boxes. I knew this move wasn't permanent but still... it hit me
hard. I knew God was testing me and leading me in this direction for a reason,
and while I still don't know what that reason is, I'm placing my heart, my
soul, and all of my trust in His hands that I will see the lesson in this
someday.
Fast forward to right now, August 2017. I've lived back at
home for a little over a month now. I'm still adjusting but it has been good to
be around my family again. My mom ended up getting a wonderful report and the
spot on her lung is completely gone and she doesn't have to go back for another
checkup for a YEAR!! This is
the first time we've ever gotten that so we're all ecstatic. I finished my
class and got an email yesterday saying that I have been awarded my degree(s)
and they will be mailed out at the end of this month (FINALLY). I am in the
hiring process and have accepted a conditional offer of employment for a great
job that will give me wonderful experience, for when an opportunity for my
dream job presents itself. I have felt a change in my faith since being back
and I have realized that I was stupid to push it to the back-burner. I've still
got a long ways to go... but I'm adjusting and taking it day by day. One thing
I do know for sure is, I have people that, because of their love for me, they would
move heaven and earth for me and that is priceless. I couldn't ask for more.
That's the latest of what's been going on in my naborshood
for now! Check back next week and I'm sure I'll have more stories to share. Until
then.. see you later, alligator!
